Jimmy Crack Corn

Chef Nosehair prepares this dish tableside, where he regales his diners with japes and witticisms while he shucks the sweet corn.  The chef puts a smoky char on the corn cobs while he reminds his his rapt audience that corn on the cob becomes corn on the log.  USD 275.

Râteau dans les yeux

Mischief fills the air. Patrons are enraptured when the lights are dimmed for romantic effect. Chef Nosehair replaces his own eyeballs with pearl onions and runs around the dining room screaming and carrying on about taxes. The fun stops when Chef steps on a rake that someone carelessly left on the floor. $440 USD

Marcel Marceau

The Chef dresses in full mime attire and stands in the dining room flicking the lights on and off to produce a strobe effect as patrons are trying to eat, for God's sake. The entire spectacle is filmed and later scored by a drowsy Chef Nosehair in his spare time. $227 USD

le Vésuve

The dining party is seated around the teppanyaki grill. Chef Nosehair comes to the grill with his cart of meats and vegetables and his fancy knife and spatula collection. As Chef Nosehair builds the obligatory onion "volcano," he breaks down in tears while recounting the horrific demise of Pompeii. $325 USD

porc en enfer

A pig is slaughtered in adherence to Satanic law. The pig's soul is damned to hell for eternity, but the body yields tender double-cut chops coated in pesto. Served with fresh cinnamon applesauce and roasted root vegetables. $470 USD

les violons vertigineuses

A small pantry moth surreptitiously lays its eggs inside the chef's ear.  The chef becomes disoriented and fills his piping bag with hot smashed potatoes and horseradish. The chef pipes the mixture into the Maître d's eyes before Gordon Ramsay appears in a daydream to tell the chef how very much he adores him. $415 USD

face brûlée

The dining party's face is dry rubbed with a brown sugar, kosher salt, chili powder, and black pepper combination.  The nose is studded with clove and the lips are swabbed with habanero and vinegar based hot sauce.  A brûlée torch is used to crisp the skin of the face which can then be eaten by others in the privacy of the burn unit of the nearest hospital.  $700 USD

frais de la ferme

Crisp and aromatic seasonal ingredients are sought at the local farmer's market.  Fresh fish are selected by the chef's fastidious eye.  Goofy ideas about the mailman are mulled.  $550 USD

celui qui s'est enfui

Panko crusted baked halibut in a lemon butter sauce with a side of carrots glazed in a ginger ale reduction are spilled on the floor after the distracted waiter collides with a lady in an orange hat.  The orange hat is a pylon.  No, it's a deflated basketball.  $650 USD.

baked arkansas

The inebriated chef strips nude and hides beneath the table begging for scraps of his own dishes.  The police are summoned and arrest the chef for lewd behavior and failure to pay child support.  $245 USD